I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
