I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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