Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
