Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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