Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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