youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
