Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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