I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I love having hate sex.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
