After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
