did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
