next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
