Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
