What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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