I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
