he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
