I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
