morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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