I must be too annoying 4 u.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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