If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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