bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
