pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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