I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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