Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
