What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
