I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
