Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
