I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
