she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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