We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
