thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
