The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
