I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My life is pants optional.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
