Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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