i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize