The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
