trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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