i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
