The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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