do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
