Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
