Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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