You really coming over, don't trick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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