38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
