I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
