I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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