I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
