I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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