I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
