I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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