Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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