you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
