it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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