you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
