Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this just has baby written all over it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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