Your mouth is God's brothel.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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