I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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