Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
