So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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