Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
